Melancholia

 

I am fascinated with the concept of death, war and conquest. I believe death and war bring permanent changes in this world. Conquest follows a slightly different logic but gives the same result in the end- ‘the change’. Death is the termination of the biological functions of a living being, war a phenomenon of organized violent conflict and conquest a linear scaling concept. All the phenomenon mentioned above have a physical reality. I doubt whether their physical attributes would affect me now.

My war has no physical attributes and there are no battlefields. I am the conqueror with nothing left to conquer. All that left is not worth changing. War will never reach me in this hostile terrain. I am already the conqueror of everything that I see. Without any humans all theories will die their own death. I am living to see them all die slowly.

Dreams of apocalypse, death and rebirth keep occurring in my day to day life. I have never questioned such phenomenon, but I need to now. The war has begun and death follows each discovery. I am convinced about conquering death and becoming a conqueror. The war within has already made me victorious. As a child, I was taught to be a winner. I still think, ‘what have I won?’ I am simply existing and making life interesting for myself. There was no ‘real change’ and never will be.  The idea terrifies me to the core.


It’s not the Oracle, Morpheus or Plato’s ‘Allegory of the Cave’ that have influenced my thoughts. My life will have no meaning without these questions being raised and I am doing everything in my capacity to find answers. Metamorphosis is the word that links death, war and conquest. The idea of transformation through permanent changes only is not true in my dictionary.  

                   

I am aiming for a transformation that involves no change at all. A transformation that looks beyond the stereotypical notions of change and metamorphosis is just and true. I am willing to go any extent to prove my point but there is no one left to judge in this wilderness. Its midnight and howling winds sweep across the inner valley of the Himalayas.